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Maybelline Introduces New Ideal Woman Rubber Mask To Use As opposed to Makeup1:40Touting it as being their most stylish and advanced beauty product to date, officials from global cosmetics brand Maybelline unveiled Thursday the best Woman Rubber Mask, an adaptable facial covering which can be worn within the head rather than makeup. Full article.
New Kindle Helps Readers Exhibit By Shouting Title Of Book Loudly And Repeatedly2:03Amazon says the Kindle Flare repetitive shouting appeal to fans of print, who miss to be able to display the sunday paper cover to strangers.
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Michael Bay Gives Fans Sneak Peek At Ninja Turtles' Hyper Realistic CGI Genitals2:02The super producer was at Comic Con this week to exhibit new clips from the pulse pounding, penis heavy Turtle action.
Doctors Say Average Stroke Victim Doesn't Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough1:44According to the results of a study published Thursday with the American Heart Association, most cardiac arrest victims tend not to freeze up and grab at their chests with plenty measures of theatrics when suffering a cardiac arrest. Full article.
The Onion Reviews 'Dawn in the Planet with the Apes'3:20The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Dawn in the Planet from the Apes' in this week's Film Standard.
Beard Husks On Sidewalk Indicate Start Hipster Molting Season1:33If you hear the telltale crunch of your hipster discarded beard under your feet, don worry: experts repeat the hirsute young men are merely making room to grow even larger, more ironic beards. Full article.
Nation's Blakes Cruise Easily Through Lifeguard Tryouts1:18According to incoming reports from beaches and pools in the united states now, lifeguard tryouts were once more very simple for your nation Blakes. Full article.
More Office Workers Switching To Fetal Position Desks2:26Wellness experts say curling up in a ball on the ground may be the healthiest approach to handle the non stop agony of the workday.
New Facebook Feature Scans Profile To Pinpoint Exactly When Things Went Wrong2:37The new LifePoint function distills each user's mistakes into one easy to locate moment when their lives irrevocably took a turn for the worse.
Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head Ripping Off Machine1:58Seeking a more humane way of performing capital punishment, Ohio new machine yanks inmates heads from their bodies using painless, powerful robotic claws.
The Onion Looks Back At 'Saving Private Ryan'3:32The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'Saving Private Ryan' in this week's Film Standard.
Survey: Most typical Deathbed Regret Never Spraying Fire Extinguisher1:57According into a survey of hospice patients released Thursday by the Princeton Medical Institute, the commonest regret of the dying isn't having sprayed a fireplace extinguisher. Full article.
The Onion's Tips For Finding An Apartment1:00Finding an apartment that matches your thing and budget is an overwhelming process. Here are The Onion's tricks for finding a rental.
Should Obama Blow The Silver Horn The Founding Fathers Left If your Country Ever Needed Them?2:37The Founding Fathers promised to return upon hearing the enchanted horn, but warned it ought to basically be used in points in the dire need.
Hurricane Ashley Anticipated to Strike Several Bars This Cinco De Mayo1:36The screaming whirlwind of drunkenness may be gathering strength all week and has already designed a mess of herself in many local bars.
Kay Jewelers Recalls Two million Cursed Wedding Rings2:11Apologizing to customers for discomfort or searing with the flesh on the ring fingers, Kay Jewelers ordered a recall Thursday of some 2 million cursed wedding rings sold at its 900 locations nationwide during the last a long period. Full article.
Teen Boys Losing Virginity Earlier And Earlier, Report Teen Boys1:53A shocking new study that asked teen boys with regards to their sexual habits reveals that they are all having sex on a regular basis and therefore are really,
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The Onion's Tips For Getting A Good Night's Sleep1:52Being sleep deprived can tremendously impact your thoughts over a day by day basis. Allow me to share The Onion's tips for getting a good night's sleep.
George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost Of Iraqi Child That Follows Him Everywhere1:41President Bush features a new hobby painting! and the man exposing newer and more effective watercolors in the undead Iraqi boy who lives in his nightmares.
Doctor Recalls Average Looking Sibling Who Inspired Him To get in Cosmetic Surgery1:23Saying he'd witnessed near the daily hardships endured by a youngster impaired by way of a bland, unremarkable appearance, local doctor Daniel Barrett told reporters Wednesday how growing up by having an average looking brother inspired him to become plastic surgeon of choice. Full article.
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In several Positions, Rooms1:30Saying that spontaneity is key to spicing up a married relationship, local couple Dale and Barbara Patterson told reporters Wednesday they kept their relationship interesting over the years by bickering in many different different positions . Full article.
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl0:58Researchers today took some slack from bullying their colleague Carl to announce to the world that Carl might be a pansy boy and that they are tired of him.
The Onions Tricks for Nailing A career Interview1:22Interviewing for a new position is often a stressful, intimidating experience. Listed below are the Onion's tricks for nailing the interview.
Study Finds Earth Situated in Lamest Part Of Universe1:11Citing factors ranging from the dumb, ugly asteroid belt separating the terrestrial planets from your gas giants, on the super boring and practically empty interstellar medium extending in
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Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR1:46Reeling inside the wake of sudden, unthinkable tragedy, individuals the Talbott family were reportedly left incapable of pick up the pieces Thursday night after an urgent hard disk crash erased everything
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The Onion Reviews 'Noah'3:10The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Noah' in this week's Film Standard
New Nike Running App Notifys you That which you are Really Running From2:24The new app pinpoints the existential angst essentially of each one runner fitness regimen.
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